


General Beelzebub

by avid_Alice



Series: Good Omens Prompt Fills [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack Omens, Multi, Prompt: Dirty Angels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-22 23:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21310066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avid_Alice/pseuds/avid_Alice
Summary: Beelzebub recommends mud run as a way of team building for the angels. The demons went to watch and basically adopted Aziraphale as their new agent in training.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens), Gabriel/Beelzebub
Series: Good Omens Prompt Fills [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536280
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	1. Someone give that guy a promotion!

Meeting with the opposition is always a dreadful task but they must always endure. Dagon has everything set up and cleared so it shouldn't have been a long meeting, however with how messy and disorganized Heaven is despite their advanced technologies, the meeting had extended to dinner time when they started at lunch.

"So what exactly is it you do with your resources?" Beelzebub asked after finishing off another round of cake while Uriel tries to find the matching table for cross data analysis. "Crowley gave us three computers ten years ago which he updates every six months and we are still keeping better files than you?" Then they take a slug of their martini. 

"I meant all disrespect, that says a lot given that we print it on greasy papers." Dagon added.

"Would you fucking shut up!" Uriel snaps but an immediate regret appearing on her face. 

"My Lord, this is a waste of time." Dagon turns to Beelzebub who just ordered their third glass of chocolate milkshake. 

"Fine. All of you may go back down. Leave all the papers here." Beelzebub sighs. The angels look like they're spread all over the place, but with the failed apocalypse, hell is too, they just happen to be more efficient. 

As soon as everyone is back to hell Beelzebub snaps the paperwork on her own office desk, including the heavenly ones. "Get up, we're going somewhere." They ordered the four bureaucrats who thankfully did without bitching out. "All of you are familiar with running, right?" They ask making a lollipop appear on their hands. The angels nodded, confusion now painted on their faces. "Good. Change into your running clothes then." The archangels did in a snap and their choice making Beelzebub snort. "Should've gone with darker ones." 

As soon as everyone is on their sports clothing, Beelzebub snaps them to California where they had their recent team building. A rather successful one. "Listen up, pea brains!" The Lord of Hell begins and everyone automatically lined up in position. "The objective of the game is simple. There are five stations and each station you have to complete an obstacle. The first one to finish the race wins!" 

"Question," Michael raised her hand which is met by an impatient look from Beelzebub. 

"I didn't you could ask any question, but go ahead. Let's hear it." The Prince of Hell answers. 

"Is there any track that is less muddy?" 

"No. Anymore senseless questions?" 

"What's the prize?" Gabriel asked, pouting like an overgrown child. 

Beelzebub leaned dangerously close to him before pulling his torso down from the neck to have him face to face with them before whispering, "Well, Gabe. You just gotta win to find out, don't you?" To which the archangel dumbly nods. 

"Well I hope the prize depends on the winner." Sandalphon whispers to the other two archangels. 

** _Meanwhile in Hell…_ **

“Crowley, what exactly are we doing here?” Aziraphale asks as he follows the redhead through one of the corridors of hell. 

“Lord Beelzebub posted this,” Crowley hands his phone to the angel. “Apparently, your previous boss and the gang pissed them off, so they’re making the wank wings run in the mud.”

“Well that’s exciting.” Aziraphale says, trying to contain his glee but failing miserably. “We should have a betting pool.” The angel suggested.

Crowley hums in response and immediately asked the demons in the watching room who would like to participate. Everyone wanted to and Aziraphale is even surprised when he saw the other princes of hell and even Satan himself in the room. The high ranking demons regarded him with a mere nod save for Lord Asmodeus who actually sat on his lap, handing him a glass of wine.

Everyone is watching Beelzebub give them instructions on how to play the game when Hastur called out to Aziraphale from the other side of the room.

“Aziraphale! Can you give us more to work with here?” Hastur says pointing at the flashing number at one of the screens corresponding to an archangel.

“Well, that would jeopardize my bet, wouldn’t it?” Aziraphale answered which earned a rather amused laughed from Satan.

“Someone give that guy a promotion!” Satan gleefully pointed at Aziraphale. 

“My Lord, he doesn’t even go here.” Leviathan answers.

“Then make him a member then.” Satan answers, still smiling amusedly.

“I didn’t know hell has a membership.” Aziraphale turned to Crowley, amused at the apparent displeasure of the other princes of hell. Save for Asmodeus who winked at him after Satan’s remark on his position. 

Crowley chuckles and wraps his arm around Aziraphale while keeping a challenging eye on Asmodeus. Ever since the rise of selfie through Crowley’s doing─one of the things he actually did, Lord Asmodeus had been on him to the point of almost crying a war on Beelzebub which was hilarious and rather disturbing having received a commendation just because he pissed off another prince. 

  


** _Mud Run Track, California…_ **

“No miracles, no heavenly interventions. I want a human energy based race.” The Lord of Hell reminded, flashing the red of their eyes to get the message across, and suddenly they all know why they’re a well respected leader in Hell. “Angels on three!” Beelzebub yelled using the megaphone they acquired after the third senseless question, just to yell on the archangels’ faces.

“Three!” They miracle themselves to a viewing deck for one above the starting line. 

“Two!” One of their thrones and a few screen showing the track appeared on the podium with them.

“One!” And the angels started to run. 

  
  


_ Station 1: Footloose _

The angels are facing the one thing that they can’t do even with miracles. 

“Dance, angels, dance!” They heard Beelzebub and Gabriel took the first stem into the laid tire on the mud and immediately regretted as he started sinking. The archangel moved as fast as he can to get to the other side and he was immediately followed by Michael, then Uriel. Sandalphon refuses to go through the tires which Beelzebub did not tolerate and they made it known by starting a hellfire that proved to be a good motivation for the said archangel to go through the obstacle. 

The next thing on the obstacle is the four horizontal beams, one for each which they assume they have to walk through. Fearing another _ motivation _ from Beelzebub, the four archangels started mounting the beam. 

Michael is the first one to successfully mount but slipped on her third step making her land on the puddle of mud face first. Still, with the fear of the wrathful demon, she got up to try again. 

The next to successfully mount is Uriel who learned that it is better to walk slow and steady rather than hurry. After all, they can’t miracle themselves clean if they get messy. Much like Michael now. Gabriel, unbelievable even to Beelzebub got through the beam without slipping. 

  


_ Station 2: Swing, drop, and roll _

“Oh come on!!” Gabriel grumbles upon seeing the course and faced Beelzebub with an _ are-you-kidding-me _ look.

“Swing archangel fucking Gabriel.” Beelzebub says with an amused tone through the megaphone, their viewing deck moved closer to the next obstacle. 

  


** _Meanwhile in Hell…_ **

On one of the TV screens a demon appeared looking like a sports anchor correspondent with Gabriel’s picture with his famous fake smile. “In the latest update, Archangel Gabriel currently on the lead, but maybe not soon with Archangel Uriel currently leading on the second obstacle.” 

“Hey, angel! Soneillon, nice to meet you” A demon flops himself down next to Aziraphale on the couch.

“Hello,” The only angel in hell greets. “Aziraphale, nice to meet you too.” Aziraphale offers his hand for a handshake but the demon took it and moved the hand to kiss the back of it.

“Who did you bet on?” Soneillon asked, handing Aziraphale a plate of good looking crepes. “I hope you’d like these, I had a legion buy these from Paris.” 

“Fuck off, Soneillon.” Crowley warns, taking his sunglasses to look directly at the other demon. 

“Possessive little shit.” Soneillon remarks with an amused smile, then leaves with Aziraphale still holding the plate of crepes.

As soon as the demon left, Aziraphale looked at Crowley, smiling softly as he always does when he knows that Crowley is going out of his way for him. “Thank you, my dear.” Aziraphale offers him one of the crepes which Crowley softly declines and just kisses the angel on his temple, eyeing any other demons around them. 

  


Satan’s melodic laugh fills in the room as the camera pans out to Gabriel taking his shirt off entirely, obvious anger at Michael for throwing mud at him evident on his face. 

“That is a lot of vain for an angel.” Mammon commented, probably smelling that off Gabriel from thousands of miles after they saw the archangel smirk when he saw the hunger on Beelzebub’s eyes upon seeing his naked, sweat and dirt covered torso.

“Well, Gabriel had always been proud of his corporation.” Aziraphale comments and grimace as Gabriel drops on the muddy and probably rocky ground to get under the bard wires to catch up with Michael. “He calls it a temple.” 

“Well, no wonder Ba’al fancies him.” Satan comments which surprises the other demons around. “Don’t they, Crowley?”

“Listen, My King. No offense but I am more afraid of Lord Beelzebub, I’d rather not say anything,” Crowley looks at Satan smiling mischievously, “especially with a bastard of an archangel on their lap.”

“Fuck this, Sandalphon. I’m gonna lose my money!” Belphegor groaned when the camera showed the said archangel getting caught on a barbwire while the other three are now rolling down a wooden ramp to a puddle on Beelzebub’s command. “You stole it from the American government. Shut up!” Leviathan answered.

“Alright, pea brains! Ten minutes break then we continue.” Beelzebub announced through the megaphone. As soon as they're gone and back in hell, all the archangels dropped dead on the wooden platform on the side of the track, still muddy and sweaty.

Beelzebub appeared by the snack table and a legion immediately started putting sweets on a plate for them. As soon as the plate is filled, the prince takes a sit on their throne just on Satan’s right side with the legion on his knees, holding the plate towards Beelzebub. 

“Have you ordered my baby brother on his knees like that, Ba’al?” Satan leaned down near them as they are leaning back, small body on a big throne. 

“I don’t have to order him,” The prince answers and they feel the other princes’ attention on them now. “He already knows his place when he’s with me.” Beelzebub smiles wickedly, flashing their teeth, fangs peeking out. Satan felt the satisfaction coursing through the prince upon seeing his reaction and he sat back on his own throne.

“Well, ten minutes is up.” Beelzebub announced and snap themselves back to the mud run track. 


	2. You And Me, Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, who won?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is half assed done. Please keep in mind I've never been to a mud run track so I'm sorry.

** _Mud Run Track, California…_ **

_ Station 3: The Great Wall _

“Alright, little birdies listen up!” And so the archangels lined up like soldiers again. “Uriel is on the lead, followed by Gabriel,” The prince eyed him. “Then Michael and lastly, Sandalphon.” Beelzebub looks at the last angel before saying, “Belphegor sends his regards.” Four words that made the angel swallow hard. “Three walls, climb using the stones on the first one then jump down, I’ll allow a quick miracle on that one. Just one. Next, the wall with the ropes, and lastly leap wall.” 

With a blow of their whistle, Beelzebub watches the angels leap and drop with Gabriel on the lead and surprisingly, Sandalphon on his tail. Uriel slipped after jumping down from the first wall that got the other three angels laughing. Pissed off and irritated, Uriel threw a mud ball at Michael, Gabriel, and lastly Sandlphon.

“That was uncalled for!” Michael protested.

“Your face is uncalled for!” Uriel managed to answer as she dodged another hit from Sandalphon.

Meanwhile, Beelzebub is watching Gabriel sneakily continue on with the course, using his one miracle ticket to cloak his actions so the other three won’t notice him. This earned a rather amused and genuine joy from the prince of hell, righteous and holy messenger of God, Archangel fucking Gabriel being competitive enough to sneak around his buddies. 

  
  
  


** _Meanwhile in Hell…_ **

Aziraphale is watching the current situation with a satisfied smile as Gabriel currently takes the lead after having a boost from the situation at the third course. “Come on, Gabriel.” He whispers but it was loud enough for Crowley to hear it. 

“So you bet on him.” The demon asked, genuinely surprise though he also did.

“Of course I did,” Aziraphale stated as a matter of factly. “Except for The Almighty, there are only three things Gabriel loves the most; fashion, himself, and Lord Beelzebub.” He says, taking a sip of the wine Satan had handed him, well had someone deliver it to him. “Two of the things on the list is there.” He continues after, pointing on the screen showing Gabriel’s victory.

All the demons watching groaned save for Satan himself who actually cheered along the lines of  _ “YES! I TAUGHT THAT FUCKER WELL!” _

Crowley groans himself after losing and looks at the smug face of Aziraphale. “Bastard.” He says with a soft smile on his face. “YOU AND ME, ANGEL!” Crowley hears Satan immediately pulls Aziraphale closer which made the devil chuckle and takes Aziraphale from Crowley to engage the angel in a carefree waltz which actually made Aziraphale laugh melodiously. “There you go, your grace.” Satan hands the angel's share and kisses the back of his hand with a bow before leaving the room.

“I would have thought he’d bet for Michael.” Crowley remarks and kisses Aziraphale square on the lips. “Let’s go home, angel.” 

** _California…_ **

“Well, well, well,” Beelzebub says, entering the shower cubicle with Gabriel currently lathered up. “Never would have thought you’d win.” The prince says running their hands on the angel’s torso.

“All for you, Ba’al.” Gabriel answers. 

“You made Satan and the Principality Aziraphale very rich today.” Beelzebub says, still massaging him and chuckled after seeing a confused expression from the archangel. “Clean up well and I’ll give you your prize.” With that, the prince of hell left, going back to their fancy hotel to wait for the archangel.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies to my subscribers. I know I said I'll update my other fics but meh.
> 
> Anyways, I got the prompt from tumblr.


End file.
